Forgiving yourself.

Something I realized tonight:

Forgiveness from God is easy. He gives it to you when you ask for it, when you repent. It is forgiving yourself that's so difficult. Guilt is a burden that can hold you captive if you allow it to. It creeps in and debilitates you, steals joy from you and those around you, and clouds your judgment.

Grasping at forgiveness feels like sand slipping through your fingertips. You know it is out there, but you can't keep it.  Each day it changes...maybe you feel a little less guilty one day, like you've really started to cut yourself some slack, but then there it is, your old familiar friend. When you've truly forgiven yourself,  and you've been set free from this prison called guilt, it feels solid, like instead of sand, you're holding bricks. And you're building with them. Rebuilding your life maybe. Or perhaps building a room in your mind where you can tuck away the sweet memories to be retrieved at a moment's notice. Maybe its a jail cell where you banish guilt itself. Regardless of what you do with it, it is solid,  and you can feel it.

Thursday, August 22nd, 2013