When I woke up this morning, the first thing I thought was, "Thank God he's alive." I was so worried about Ben last night because of this weird twitching he did....I thought it could have been a seizure. I got him out of the crib, changed his diaper and put him in the highchair. He had cereal, a banana, strawberries and some orange juice. I felt fine then...happy, smiling with him. I changed the baby's diaper and outfit, and by that time Ben was mostly done eating. I let him down, and he played with his train table while I fed the baby. Will texted me that he had forgotten his dip for a food day at work and he wanted to know if I could bring it to him. Is that where my irritability started? Feeling pressure to do something? I really don't understand. I didn't wake up this morning feel angry, or deciding to have a grumpy day...I woke up feeling grateful for the life of my kids. Where did I go wrong?
I took the dip up to Will's work but had to wait about 20 minutes in the parking lot while Ben fussed and whined. Will finally came out to get it and apologized for not realizing I had called him to tell him I was there. But by that point, I already felt pissed.
Now that I'm back home, I don't even feel like getting ready for the open gym I'm supposed to be taking Ben to with my friend from MOPs. I find myself gritting my teeth a lot. Ben must sense my tension because he's acting out, which is frustrating me more. He's climbing on me, snatching things out of my hands, knocking things off of tables etc. This is so frustrating to me.
I just bought this book called Bait of Satan, and far as I've read, it's about not taking Satan's bait by feeling offended and staying offended. This must be part of my problem.
I think I'm going to go read my Bible.
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